Have you ever pondered upon this dilemma?
I used to worry A LOT. Worrying runs in my family, so I got that in my DNA and also absorbed through osmosis (was unconsciously conditioned to it, learnt it without even knowing) while growing up. Worrying became part of my blueprint. In fact, I thought it was the right thing to do. I also didn’t quite know there was another way. As I once heard dr. Jordan Peterson said, “you don’t have a choice, until you know you have a choice”. What is worse, I got worrying mixed up with caring. Not worrying was like not caring… And I was a caring person, so I worried a lot. I worried about others. I worried about myself. Why? Because I cared. Why did I think that worrying equaled caring? I didn’t. I can only see it now and only now I can make some enquiry as to why I may have gotten programmed this way. The first and most obvious answer is that my mum is one of the most loving and caring people I know and she used to worry a lot. She worried, because she loved and cared. She did not want others to suffer. She wanted others to be safe, healthy and happy.
But then I saw, I experienced love and consideration without the worry attached to it. At first it felt odd, even wrong and confronting. To see that someone didn’t worry. Didn’t they care? But at the same time I could sense the freedom that came from that approach. I wanted to feel that freedom too. To have that level of trust. And not need to worry to show that I care.
The next hint I got about questioning the value of worrying was the quote by Donna Stonneham, PhD, I happen to stumble across that says:
“Worrying is a prayer for a future you don’t want”.
It stung. Reading and feeling into that quote I realised how bad worrying was. Worrying is about imagining the worst case scenario and being consumed by its dark and scary energy now. Since our thoughts create our reality and we create our future by feeling its energy in the present moment... simply put, worrying is a manifestation of an outcome we don't want. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. And it's a double, or even triple whammy. When we worry, we not only waste our precious time that we could use for creative work (or even just relaxation), we also deplete our nervous system (as our body not being able to recognize that we are not facing a real threat, but it's only our mind having dark creative time, engages our sympathetic nervous system, i.e. we feel stressed), feeling stressed / vibrating low, we attract that low vibration, which often will result in our worries becoming manifest.
Oh dear, what a painful truth it was… painful yet liberating. Painful, because I was a worrier. So I had to face the fact that for years I have been wasting my energy and may have been unconsciously, but still, manifesting the reality I did not want. It required an enormous amount of self love and compassion to forgive myself. It’s obvious, if only I knew better, I would have done better, I wouldn’t have worried. But I didn’t. Neither did my dear mom. So I have no ill feelings. I’ve learnt throughout the years that there’s no point in wishing things had been another way. Fighting with reality is another way we waste our precious energy, but that’s a whole other topic. We cannot change the past. We can only change (=choose) how we view it. We can learn from it. And we can take a more informed action moving forward. It’s also important to understand and come to terms with the fact that it is a never ending process. We do things to the best of our knowledge, until we know better. Then we do better. It’s called progress. It’s an evolution.
Having realised that worrying was far from helpful and having forgiven myself for not knowing better, I have focused on liberating myself from that way of being. It has taken me years of dedicated work to keep weaning myself from that program. I cannot say I no longer worry, because that would not be true. However, with time and practice, I have become more aware of it and can quickly take care of it before it hijacks me and my energy. If a worrying thought comes, I notice it, acknowledge it, may even thank it for coming to show me there is something important happening that may require my attention (as we tend to worry about things or people that are important to us) and let it be transmuted by focusing on a more beneficial thought or action, for example a mantra, prayer, positive thought or an action of surrender with trust in a positive and most beneficial outcome for the situation. I dissolve the dark energy by embracing love and compassion, as well as invoking a positive solution to whatever has called my need for worry. This is how these days I show my love and care; by cultivating positive vibration and having trust in the loving intelligence of the Universe. Please note, cultivation of positive approach has nothing to do with not acknowledging a difficult situation, and all to do with creating an empowered space to move through it.
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